we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
