Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
