Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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