Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
