I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
