Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
