I think my vagina is haunted
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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