All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
