He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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