white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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