Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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