I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
