Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
