There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
