He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
