return my video game
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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