my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
