; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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