If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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