his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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