Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
