I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
