i think my mom watched the whole time
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
