Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He better not be in your backpack
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
