babies were throwing up all over the place
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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