We're facebook friends in real life
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
