it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
