I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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