just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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