i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
