allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
