Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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