Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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