Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
