What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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