he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No more Irish car bombs ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
