I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
