I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
