remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
