Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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