we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
