I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
