Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
