I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
