I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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