So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Randomize
