It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
