I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
