well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
