Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
