No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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