Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
